This week’s baller is Benjamin Franklin.
You know him as the big headed guy that did all that stuff, not sure about what, but wasn’t lightning involved? Let me school you a little bit.Benjamin Franklin was born in 1706 into a huuuge family. He had a lot of siblings. BF’s dad, Josiah, had many children with his first wife, and many children with his second wife.
Benjamin was the youngest son, and either the ninth out of eleven children or the fifteenth out of seventeen. Or maybe I’m wrong altogether.
The jury’s out on the exact number of siblings, due to mortality rates among children back then and the two wives. And yet, out of all the numbers I’ve found, Josiah Franklin still had fewer children than the Duggars.
BF had some baby mama drama of his own. He tried marrying a 15 year old, but then she married someone else who ended up running off to Barbados with her dowry, so then he had a common-law marriage with her and took care of her kid, and then THEY had kids, but it turns out he had a child with ANOTHER woman as well. Dang. I should backtrack a little – to before he needed a heart-to-heart with Dr. Phil and a fifth grade health class.
When Benjamin Franklin was 16, he got all PETA on us and became a vegetarian — but not for the normal PETAish reasons. He gave up meat so he could afford to buy books. I can’t even compare that to modern day teenager, as I think most high school students only read under duress – the exception being if there are sparkly vampires involved. It’s like asking a teenage girl to give up Facebook so she can play mahjong with her dad.
No, it’s not. I can’t think of anything comparable.
Maybe Benjamin was frustrated about having books, but no bacon. Or bacon, but no books. So he formed the first public library in the US so no one would have to give up eating Five Guys burgers in order to read a book. Actually, he did a lot of stuff…
He invented the lightning rod, invented bifocals, wrote books, and published newspapers.. He also decided slavery was a terrible idea, let his two slaves go and became an abolitionist. He created one of the first volunteer firefighting companies in the US! He played chess! He composed music! He signed the Declaration of Independence! He wore Batman underpants!
And the biggest and best reason why he’s a baller? His face is on the hundred dollar bill. Hip hop artists have been rapping about him for years now.
Make it rain, BF. Make it rain.
